Composer 4.9

Life with a toddler was interesting, Charity was constantly getting into something. She was a bright child and learned to talk easily, walking however she was a bit behind in. The doctor said she was just a bit delayed since she was so early and she would catch on soon. She did finally when she was almost three.

 got offered a spot in an orchestra, in Paris. I jumped at the opportunity. I didn't have any reason really to stay in Bridgeport, and there were too many memories in this apartment, so I moved. The nanny was willing to come with us to Paris, so I paid her way as well as ours. Paris was amazing, I got us a small house right in the center of town. 

Charity wasn't very stable on her feet. She had been walking for six months, but still fell a lot. When I asked the doctor about it, he said since she was so early she was just behind, she would catch up soon. He also suggested a dance class might help, since it would teach her balance. I looked up toddler dance classes and found one that would take charity. She was a natural, once she got the hang of it. I could see her becoming a ballerina as she got older.

My position with the orchestra paid very well, I now had more money than I'd ever dreamed of, so I bought the biggest house I could. It has an amazing view of the Eiffel Tower. 

As Charity grew up, I made sure she had the best of everything, the Best clothes, the best dance instructors, the best schools. Our nanny decided to take a job with another family with small children, so now it was just Charity and I. Charity was a beautiful child, she had her mother's hair, and her father's eyes. She was a shy child, very quiet. Her quietness was fine by me, it allowed me the concentration I needed for my work, though sometimes I did worry that she was a bit too quiet, we could go days without seeing each other, and when we did we barely spoke. 

One day Charity announced over dinner that she had decided what she wanted to be when she grew up. "Aunt Berlin, I've decided I want to become an acrobat when I grow up, we went to a show in dance class, and it's what I'm going to do too. " I nearly choked on my food. "That's nice dear, but ballet is just as nice you know." I answered. she just shrugged and went back to her dinner. Don't get me wrong, I want her to be happy, but I also want her to have the life she deserves. For the past several generations my family has struggled, I now make more than any of them, I now have the life that my ancestors dreamed of having. I'm not about to let Charity give up on all the hard work of the past generations on a whim. Ballet has a much better financial future, not to mention prestige. I refuse to let her throw away her life to become an acrobat.

Composer 4.8

A month passed, and the baby was almost ready to be released from the hospital. I had spent the last month getting everything ready for her. The hardest part was getting the room ready. She would be in Tanner's room, so I had to pack up all his belongings. I cried the whole time,  I donated some of his things and the rest I packed up and sent back to the caretaker at our old house, that way mom didn't have to see any of it.

I hired a live in nanny for the baby, since I worked. It may sound selfish but I had no plans to quit my job, I was going to be a famous composer, and I wasn't going to let raising my niece get in the way. I still needed to decide on a name for her, the nurses kept asking me, but I hadn't picked one out yet. Everything was ready for her, I was just waiting on the doctor to say she was strong enough to come home.

Two months after she was born I brought her home. I had to pick a name before she was released, so they could put it on her birth certificate, I named her Charity. She was still so small, but she was healthy. I loaded her up in the car and took her home. Marissa, the nanny, was waiting at the door for us, I had to work get to work, so I handed Charity to her and headed out. I finally was getting back on track with my job, with everything that had happened I had gotten behind, I had temporarily been replaced in the quartet since they still had shows they needed to perform. I hadn't played in a few months so I was a bit rusty, though I knew it wouldn't take me too long to get back to where I was.

The first week having Charity home was a bit of an adjustment, I had to get used to Marissa being there. In addition to her looking after the baby, she also looked after the house too. I would snuggle Charity before leaving for work, and again when I got home. Some nights all she did was scream, all night long. No matter what Marissa tried, she just wouldn't stop. Those nights I thought I was going to go crazy. Don't get me wrong, I loved my niece, I just wasn't cut out for the mother thing. I wasn't very good at it, I didn't really like kids.

Mom still wasn't doing well, Dad wanted to come visit and meet his granddaughter, but mom wouldn't come and he didn't want to leave her alone. I sent him pictures, and he would talk to Charity on the phone, but it wasn't the same. I hoped mom would get better, I missed her so much. Before her breakdown dad and I weren't very close, now however we had the kind of relationship a daughter should have with her father.

Time passed and it was Charity's first birthday. I had the apartment decorated in varying shades of pink, and had a cake ordered from a local bakery. It was just a small party, just Marissa and I. Marissa took plenty of pictures of me helping Charity blow out her candles. All the photos I took of Charity I put in an album for mom, I knew some day she'd come around and I didn't want her to feel like she'd missed anything.

Composer 4.7

I woke up some time the following afternoon. At first I was confused as to why I was sleeping in Tanner's bed, but it didn't take long for the events of the previous night to come back to me. So many things needed to be done, I needed to call mom and tell her what happened, I didn't want to. I really didn't want to, but I had to. I picked up my phone and dialed. "Mom?" I said barely keeping myself together. "Tanner was in an accident last night, he's gone mom." I heard her scream, then I heard dad pick up the line. I told him what had happened. He was eerily calm while I was telling him all that had happened. He said they would catch the next flight here and hung up. I called my boss and told him I needed some time off work, he told me to take all the time I needed, however long that was.

I kept myself busy the rest of the day cleaning the apartment, and making room for mom and dad. I left Tanner's room exactly as it was and shut the door. When my phone rang I was not expecting it to be mom's number, they should be on the plane headed here by now. "Hello?" Dad was on the other end, mom had freaked out on the plane, and had to be escorted off, dad said she wasn't doing well, so they weren't going to be able to come back right now. Great.

The next few days passed in an blur, the coroner released the bodies and sent them to the funeral home. I spent most of the day on the funeral arraignments.  Mom had gotten worse, she wasn't eating or sleeping. Dad took her to the doctor and they said she was practically catatonic from grief. She basically had shut down, so neither one of them were going to be at the funeral. I still hadn't been back to the hospital to see the baby, I just couldn't deal with that right now.

The day of the funeral, I made my way to the cemetery, Tanner and Emily would be buried side by side, I was the only one to attend the funeral. With mom being as famous as she is, I had been reading all about Tanner's death and mom's breakdown in every magazine, so the funeral was kept secret. Mom didn't need that in all the tabloids. I stayed at the cemetery all day, I just couldn't bring myself to leave. " What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to take care of a baby, your baby. If you hadn't been so STUPID you would be here right now!" I was yelling at Tanner's grave. 

 I still didn't know how, but I knew I had to find a way to raise my niece. I had to do it for him Wiping my tears away, I vowed then and there, I would never open my heart to anyone again. If I didn't love, I couldn't be hurt. 

I went back to work two weeks later, I just couldn't sit at home any longer. I had gone to see the baby a few times, I really didn't know what to do when I went, so I would just sit there and watch her sleep. Dad and I talked nearly everyday, he kept me updated on mom. She suffered a mental break down when Tanner died, to deal with her grief her mind reverted back to a point before we were born, so I couldn't even talk to her, she didn't remember me. Not only did I lose my brother, I was also losing my mom too. Dad was doing what he could to help, she was on medication and in therapy, but they still couldn't get her to accept his death.

Composer 4.6

~Berlin~

I rushed  through the doors of the ER and headed straight for the nurses desk. " I'm looking for my brother and his wife. Tanner and Emily Wright." I said as I walked up. "Please have a seat, and the doctor will be out to talk to you shortly." The nurse said pointing towards the waiting area. I didn't want to have a seat and wait, I wanted to know what happened, but I sat down anyway. The call that I thought was mom turned out to be the police letting me know that Tanner and Emily had been in an accident, both of them had been rushed here along with the driver from the car they hit. All I had been told was to get here as son as I could, so I threw on some clothes and caught a cab here.

I sat, I paced, I sat some more.

I had been waiting almost an hour when I saw the doctor headed my way. "Wright?" he said. I jumped up out of my chair and met him half way. "Have a seat" he said motioning to the chair I had just vacated. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, your brother had severe internal injuries,and though we tried all our efforts he didn't make it, I'm sorry" I felt like someone had reached into my chest and pulled out my heart, Tanner was dead. "What about Emily and the baby?" I asked though I didn't want to know the answer. "Emily was rushed for an emergency c-section in an attempt to save the baby, but we couldn't stop the bleeding and she died in surgery. The baby was delivered and is in the NICU. When you are ready I'll have someone take you up."

I just sat there, I heard what he said but all I could think was my brothers dead. I didn't know what to do next, I was numb. I don't know how long I sat there, but I finally decided that I needed to see the baby. I walked back over to the nurses desk and asked to see the baby, the nurse showed me the way.

Standing outside of the NICU, I really wasn't sure what to do, after standing there a few minutes, the doctor  came out to speak to me. "Can I help you?" "Yea, I'm here to see my niece? Nephew? Sorry they didn't tell me if it was a boy or girl." I said realizing I didn't even ask the other doctor. "What's the last name?" the doctor asked.  "Wright." I answered. "Oh" He started "It's a girl, I'll take you to see her. Don't be alarmed by all the monitors, she was very early, only thirty weeks. She is on a respirator since her lungs are underdeveloped, we gave her some medicine to help mature them." I just nodded and followed him.

He led me to an incubator with the tiniest little baby in side, she was hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes, I wasn't really sure what I was supposed  to be feeling. I didn't stay long telling the staff I needed to get home, make arrangements for my brother. On the way out I asked the doctor what was going to happen to the baby. "When she gets big enough, I suppose you get to take her home." His answer was something that hadn't even considered. It was all too much, I couldn't deal with this right now. I felt like I was walking through fog, I don't remember going home but here I was. Walking through the house that's when it hit me, They were gone, this was it, it was just me now. I walked into Tanner's room and sat down on the bed. Seeing all his things, I couldn't hold it in any longer, I fell to my knees and I cried. I cried harder than I thought it was possible, I cried till I had nothing left to cry. I managed to pull myself up onto the bed where I fell asleep.

Composer 4.4

~Berlin~

I can't believe Tanner! He went and got married and didn't even tell me till Emily was moving in. I don't know what's gotten into him lately. Well what's done is done, though I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he called mom and told her the news.

Emily was nice, though the situation was a bit awkward to say the least. I tried my best to get to know my new sister-in-law. She was from a small town, a crappy family, left home to come to the city when she was seventeen.  Not much to tell really. She was amazed by the apartment, and was a bit shocked when she found out who our mom was, even when mom and dad got re-married, mom never changed her name. She was still Laveau, where as Tanner and I were Wrights, so the connection was not immediately apparent. I did my best to make her feel like part of the family, though we didn't get along too well.

Since Emily didn't have a job, nor did she really need one now, she took it upon herself to take care of the house while Tanner and I were working. I think the long days alone started to get to her, cause she and Tanner started fighting quite a bit, and since their room was right across the hall from mine it was hard to miss. I tried to smooth thing over between them, but more often than not I just got caught in the middle. When they weren't fighting they were all over each other, it made living with them very uncomfortable.

The months passed much the same, alternating between fighting and loving, after one particularly bad fight I sat down with Tanner to try to talk things out. "What was this one about?" I asked. He just gave me a look and said, "I didn't make it to the dr's appointment today, I told her I would try to make it, but I got called in for an extra shift at work, so I did't make it."  "Doesn't she understand that you need the money to take care of her and the baby?" I asked. "Yea she does, she just wishes I could be more involved. I wish I could too." I knew there was more to it than that, but I wasn't going to push it. I only hoped that once the baby was born things would get better between them.

"Berlin! we're leaving now, be back later!" I heard Tanner call from the door way. He and Emily were going out for a while which gave me time to work. My progress at work had slowed down considerably since Emily had moved in. I still was part of just a quartet, still hadn't made it to the full orchestra. I was falling behind in my plan, I should have been further by now. I worked till midnight, I was more tired than I realized, as soon as I lay down I was asleep. I was woken up less than an hour later from my phone ringing, I reached over and answered it without even looking, thinking it might be mom, she was in Italy, her and dad had decided to move there when her tour was over. "Hello?" It wasn't mom....