Composer 4.7

I woke up some time the following afternoon. At first I was confused as to why I was sleeping in Tanner's bed, but it didn't take long for the events of the previous night to come back to me. So many things needed to be done, I needed to call mom and tell her what happened, I didn't want to. I really didn't want to, but I had to. I picked up my phone and dialed. "Mom?" I said barely keeping myself together. "Tanner was in an accident last night, he's gone mom." I heard her scream, then I heard dad pick up the line. I told him what had happened. He was eerily calm while I was telling him all that had happened. He said they would catch the next flight here and hung up. I called my boss and told him I needed some time off work, he told me to take all the time I needed, however long that was.

I kept myself busy the rest of the day cleaning the apartment, and making room for mom and dad. I left Tanner's room exactly as it was and shut the door. When my phone rang I was not expecting it to be mom's number, they should be on the plane headed here by now. "Hello?" Dad was on the other end, mom had freaked out on the plane, and had to be escorted off, dad said she wasn't doing well, so they weren't going to be able to come back right now. Great.

The next few days passed in an blur, the coroner released the bodies and sent them to the funeral home. I spent most of the day on the funeral arraignments.  Mom had gotten worse, she wasn't eating or sleeping. Dad took her to the doctor and they said she was practically catatonic from grief. She basically had shut down, so neither one of them were going to be at the funeral. I still hadn't been back to the hospital to see the baby, I just couldn't deal with that right now.

The day of the funeral, I made my way to the cemetery, Tanner and Emily would be buried side by side, I was the only one to attend the funeral. With mom being as famous as she is, I had been reading all about Tanner's death and mom's breakdown in every magazine, so the funeral was kept secret. Mom didn't need that in all the tabloids. I stayed at the cemetery all day, I just couldn't bring myself to leave. " What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to take care of a baby, your baby. If you hadn't been so STUPID you would be here right now!" I was yelling at Tanner's grave. 

 I still didn't know how, but I knew I had to find a way to raise my niece. I had to do it for him Wiping my tears away, I vowed then and there, I would never open my heart to anyone again. If I didn't love, I couldn't be hurt. 

I went back to work two weeks later, I just couldn't sit at home any longer. I had gone to see the baby a few times, I really didn't know what to do when I went, so I would just sit there and watch her sleep. Dad and I talked nearly everyday, he kept me updated on mom. She suffered a mental break down when Tanner died, to deal with her grief her mind reverted back to a point before we were born, so I couldn't even talk to her, she didn't remember me. Not only did I lose my brother, I was also losing my mom too. Dad was doing what he could to help, she was on medication and in therapy, but they still couldn't get her to accept his death.